d100 Monkeys
These monkeys are just like us: they carry cherished items, strong passions and strange secrets.
Roll d100 and read across for a Monkey, or roll 4d100 for a RandoMonkey.
Table by STATIONS and friends (credits).
# | Name | Item | Passion | Secret |
---|---|---|---|---|
1 | “Harold” | [redacted] | [redacted] | [redacted] |
2 | Alex | magnifying glass | stamp collecting | arson |
3 | Also Frank | baseball bats | baseball | is a mimic |
4 | Baby | a laptop | doomscrolling | retirement compound in New Zealand |
5 | Baby | a huge piña colada | heavy lifting | is a cyborg |
6 | Bing Crosby | bling | crosswords | sabotages holidays |
7 | Bingo | road maps of the southwestern United States | antiques | flips a coin to decide if you live or die |
8 | Bion | a cell phone | the budget process | must pass on a deadly curse through sexual contact |
9 | Bogey | a toothpick | mysteries | keeps used toothpicks |
10 | Bon Bon | ten family photos | history | survives on fresh monkey blood |
11 | Bonkers | a monkey’s paw | murder | leaves the toilet seat up on purpose |
12 | Boo | tissues | obituaries | feels nothing for fellow creatures |
13 | Buttons | a rubber stamp | the proper forms | mines cryptocurrency |
14 | Cantaloupe | 1 bullet (.22) | dams | bites their nails |
15 | Charlie | a penknife | accounting | barely controllable pyrokinesis |
16 | Cherg the Destroyer | a battered Walkman | reggaeton | started a compelling podcast but quit fourteen episodes in |
17 | Chomp Chomp | silver fangs | vampire culture | rejected screenplays |
18 | Cindrella | half a pound chocolate bar | stamps | likes to eat with forks |
19 | Clem | a pitch pipe | barbershop quartet | can kill with a word |
20 | Cookie | a pumpkin | ball room dancing | cannibalism |
21 | Dex | fidget spinner | parkour | approximately six captives in a bunker |
22 | Dodger | needle and thread | taxidermy | steals the pets of friends and acquaintances, then feigns outrage and offers emotional support (occassionally sexual) |
23 | Don | dice | gambling | cocaine addiction |
24 | Dweazil | a set of gaming dice | folk music | is a cop |
25 | Einstein | a TI-82 graphing calculator | button mashing | hires assassins to knock off rivals |
26 | Eli | a ragdoll | philosophy | never returns calls |
27 | Falafel | destitute dwarf trinkets | bacon-wrapped workwear | never returns shopping carts |
28 | Flim-flam | 3 packs of unfiltered cigarettes | erotica | is a serial stalker |
29 | Frank | golf clubs | golf | none: is a genuinely decent monkey |
30 | Freshy | hundreds of small plastic bags | collecting | compelled to eat own feces |
31 | Genevieve | a tea set | etiquette | character assassination |
32 | Geoff | a triple platinum credit card | fine wine | bodies in the basement |
33 | Go Go | drum sticks | Go Go music | creepy doll collection |
34 | Good Boy | inspirational stickers | education | conducts psychological experiments on unsuspecting participants |
35 | Gracie | powerful magnets | physics | stealing people’s journals, searching for clues |
36 | Gray | a box of broken crayons | art | subtly graffitis paintings in museums |
37 | Grobert | a papier maché version of themselves | extramarital flirting | spitting when no-one’s looking (but really nasty) |
38 | Gustav | a collection of travel dictionaries (from Swedish) | linguistics | searching for The Word that Ends Worlds |
39 | Ham Jack 3 | ivory cutlery | fine dining | the taste of human tears |
40 | Heston | a girl’s doll | escape | blew it up |
41 | Himbo | a counterfeit police badge | Jack London | hoarder |
42 | Honey Dew | a machete | political unrest | speaks French fluently |
43 | Hua | post-it notes | HR | hates people |
44 | Hüm | a towel | interpretive dance | interpretive murder |
45 | Isaac | a ritual dagger | sacrifice | operates under a fake name |
46 | Ivy Posh | day planner | order | beating people with bones |
47 | Jimmy Jim Jaja | 5-pin bowling ball | defending the indefensible | hates other monkeys |
48 | Joe | 16-piece dinnerware set, still in box | jackfruits | kleptomaniac for silverware |
49 | Jolene | breath like spring | love | taking other people’s partners |
50 | Juicer | assorted fruits and a juicer | juice | spikes the juice |
51 | kespe-(2309860067) | a typewriter | hitting ‘em keys (cannot read) | escaped the infinite money cage with her complete page 54 of Othello, stolen from kespe-2309860068 |
52 | Kia | the sign of her god | healing | let her best friend die |
53 | Lady | a log | prophecy | knows when and how every person will die |
54 | Lambo | a microphone | karaoke | sends death threats to pop stars |
55 | Lem | harmonica | artificial intelligence | compulsive liar |
56 | Lil’ Bit | stilts | acrobatics | wanted for murder |
57 | Lil’ Koko | a tiny kitten | dioramas | eats kittens when nervous / scared |
58 | Lôrn | an ancient scroll | dead languages | 500 years old |
59 | Luc | an epee | fencing | uses performance enhancing drugs |
60 | Lula | a discreet handgun | debate | embezzling money from the non-profit they manage |
61 | Mako | an iPad Pro | character design | gathering body parts to assemble a monster |
62 | Max | energy drinks | speedruns | doesn’t share |
63 | Michel | a dog | vegan sausages | is a cannibal |
64 | Miles | racing gloves | drifting | frequent hit and runs |
65 | Mubba | 2 candles | xtreme sports | hates their prehensile tail |
66 | Napoleon | riding crop | dressage | directs a social media troll farm |
67 | Naruto | a katana | Pablo Neruda | writes bad poetry |
68 | Nemo | a sea anchor | krill | likes to drown insects (exoskeletons belong in the water) |
69 | Nibbles | a grudge | vengeance | has a twin brother they are intensely jealous of |
70 | Papaya | three sticks of butter | jelly beans | has 14 cats |
71 | Pogo | a chainsaw | music | hates dogs |
72 | pork loin | a gnawed up leg bone | solvents | will teabag everyone eventually |
73 | Renard | three pet foxes | parties | is a trained assassin |
74 | Renato | voice recorder with some instructions recorded | 1960s design | talks but continuosly tries to convince you that it is all in your head |
75 | Rio | a bible | liberation theology | watches you while you sleep |
76 | Roxie | lip stick | opera | public urination |
77 | Rudiger | a rolled up Sun newspaper | screaming | once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die |
78 | Scream | a jar of tasty dried butterflies | the smell of summer rain | devilishly silent |
79 | Shakes-(349853986) | net, berret | smoking cigs, talking philosphy | should be catching escaped monkey typists |
80 | Shiny | a small mirror | abstract geometry | is a doppelganger, killed the original |
81 | Sim | VR headset | meta | in thrall to Mark Zuckerberg |
82 | Skwee | a journal | botany | casually poisons neighbors |
83 | Sloan | an address, hastily scribbled on a scrap of paper | justice | is a ghost |
84 | Smellraiser | a puzzle box | dimension-hopping | cannot tell the difference between pleasure and pain |
85 | Steve | a bundle of toothpicks | chemistry | meth |
86 | Suleiman | brain in a jar | conquest | haunted by a compulsion to pun |
87 | Teetoo | a sniper rifle | assassination | sent from the future to kill all humans named “John” in order to prevent the rise of the One True John who will prevent the monkey apocalypse |
88 | The Freshmaker | mentos | chillin’ | explosive anger issues |
89 | The Quickening | Abraham Lincoln’s final breath | gumdrops | dreams of disappearing without a trace |
90 | Thom (pronounced “Thawm”) |
perfectly sharpened #2 pencils | perfectly sharpened #2 pencils | leaves a perfectly sharpened #2 pencil next to their victims |
91 | Trumpet | a pogo stick | the Epics | wears a toupé |
92 | Virgil | simple robes | the natue of faith | agent of the inquisition |
93 | Wawa | a magic 8-ball | ambiguity | stealing snacks from convenience stores |
94 | Westerly | a hat obscuring a smaller monkey, who wears a hat obscuring an even smaller monkey, and so on | Shakespeare | insatiable lust for the infinite typewriter |
95 | Wiffles | a camera | reality TV | installing surveillance videos in neighbor’s homes |
96 | Wink Wink | dark sunglasses | flirting | recruits suicide bombers |
97 | XG-Y98-BLUE | a million bugs | hair design | is a NFT wannabe billionaire |
98 | Yoma | a trenchcoat | travel | unwitting herald of the end times |
99 | Zara | a polaroid camera | trendspotting | places RFID tags on everyone they meet |
100 | Zoey | a collection of wigs | cosplay |
is a close talker |
Credits
Thanks to the following friends of STATIONS for contributing!
- Alfred Valley (37)
- Archaeomancer/Neonrelic (74)
- Colin le Sueur (40, 47, 77)
- Edd0 (51)
- Iko (5, 18, 63, 97)
- @john_errwin (48)
- Luka Rejec (86)
- Seth Ian (14, 20, 24, 28, 41, 42, 65, 70, 71, 91)
- tonycoolmen (11, 69)
- yumaikas (68)